Lacy Literacy

Book Reviews, Discussions, Listicles, More

 

Time and time again I find myself in the same situation. Anytime I get a book that I’m anticipating, I end up avoiding it like the plague. And I’m talking about the type of books I cry about not being released yet on Twitter, add on ‘Most Anticipated Books of the year’ list, and ones I even stand in line 2 hours for to get ARCs of.

Why do I do this? It bubbles down to a strange insecurity.


Back in early 2017, I was dying to get my hands on a copy of The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue. Seeing more Historical YA books with Bisexual MCs has been a dream of mine. My ‘I will explode if I don’t read this book’-o-meter was off the charts. So, when Yallwest came around in April, I waited 2 hours in line for an ARC.

I didn’t let myself read the book immediately when I got it. Finals were coming up the IMG_5856next week meaning that if I read the book, I wouldn’t stop. May passed and I still hadn’t read the book. I was ‘busy’ I said with all of the cleaning up from the semester. July came and I thought: ‘I have to read this book I’m meeting Mackenzi Lee in Georgia for a stop on her GGTVAV tour’. February 2018 nears to and end and I still haven’t read the book.

The “GGTVAV situation” is no new thing for me. I constantly do this with books that I know will mean something to me. I waited well over a year to read More Happy Than Not, which is one of my favorite books ever that made me cry so much I had to take a car drive around the city to calm down. 

I know what you’re thinking: ‘What the Hell Are You Doing Alexis’. Well, there’s this whole process my mind goes through when I’m in this situation. Say I start a book that I know has the potential to become my new favorite book ever. I might get through the first couple of pages. Then, I’ll quickly make an excuse like “ugh, I won’t be able to read it in one sitting I should save it for another time” or “I won’t be able to take notes as much as I like so I should stop reading this while waiting for class to start” or “Oh, I’m not in the right mood”. Those are all excuses. I psych myself into this situation that the stars have to be aligned for me to read this book to give it justice for myself and the book.

And makes 0 sense. I read one of my favorite books of all time while sunburnt in the middle of a neighborhood party on 4th of July. I read another while waiting in line for my flight (and I cried on the flight after finishing it). I read another in between my night classes… and had to try not to cry.

Setting isn’t the problem. I don’t need to read on my couch with 12 pillows around me. The problem is that I’m incredibly insecure about what happens after I finish the book.

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As a blogger, you want to be able to do the books you read justice. Whenever I finish an life changing book, I get petrified. What if I can’t give the book the love it deserves? What if I can’t quite articulate how much I loved the journey of the main character? What if I end up rambling on for 5 paragraphs about how I loved the book without being able to describe my feelings?

Probably the funniest thing about this: I’m actually good about talking about things I love in real life situations. However, when it comes down to writing down my thoughts about books in a more mechanical way, I find myself stuck. I’m stuck about where to start, and I’m stuck without the words to show my love properly.

I end up avoiding books I’m going to love because when I finish them, it’s inevitable that I’m going to want to promote them on here. I’m so scared of not being able to do a book justice, that I won’t even start it. 

Depriving myself of new favorites, is ridiculous. I’m hurting myself, and I’m hurting everyone else because there’s a chance that I might just come through with that one perfect sentence to describe a book. And, of course, the only way to get better at identifying my feelings and reviewing books is to do just that.

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I don’t know if I’ll ever be that person who create great one liners about a book is. I doubt I’ll be the person with profoundly quotable reviews. But, I do know that I need to grow up and start reading. Stumbling over my love for books is better than doing nothing at all. 

22 thoughts on “The Art of Avoiding Books I’m Going to Love ― I’m Insecure

  1. Mischenko says:

    Wow, you summed up how I feel pretty much everytime I read a book. I always think the same thing and I’m really never pleased with my reviews. I’ve come close to calling it quits because of it. Writing has always been a challenge for me. Your quote fixes my mind though because it’s so true–its better than doing nothing at all. Thank you for sharing this. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      It’s reassuring to see someone else say they feel the same 💖.

      I’m glad you haven’t quit reviewing!!! We’re all in this ‘get better about talking about our feelings for books’ journey together 😂.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Mischenko says:

    Reblogged this on ReadRantRock&Roll and commented:
    I love this post…”Stumbling over my love for books is better than doing nothing at all.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      Wow, thank you for sharing my post 😭😭😭.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mischenko says:

        You’re very welcome! Thank you.💜

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You described exactly what goes through my mind every time I think of reading a book I know I’ll love 😩

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      Thanks for sharing!!! I hope we stop doing this to ourselves 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I do this too. It’s like I lose a sense or urgency when I actually obtain a coveted book at last or I’m forever “saving it” (for what? Nobody knows least of all me 😏).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      Yes!! I feel that.

      Like

  5. i feel the same and im in a similar situation w strange the dreamer rigt now haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      I’ve had a copy of Strange The Dreamer since early last year 😂😂😂. We’re in the same boat.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sahi says:

    I do this with all books.. but my problem is I can’t pick which one to read… I overthink it because I want to be sure that I will enjoy the book that I pick and I waste time figuring that out… I’ve spent the last one week without reading anything coz I don’t know which one to…. I guess we all readers are a little insecure.. 😊😊

    And lastly, just go ahead and read The Gentleman’s Guide…. It’s too wonderful and fun to just be sitting on your shelf unread… !!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      Ugh, I know I need to read it. And yes, I definitely have a hard time picking out books too. It can get overwhelming.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Rachana says:

    I definitely have the same problem haha. I also put off reading books I know I’ll love but I feel like my reason for it is slightly different from yours..I’m actually worried I might not love the book after all if I read it and it’s always kind of sad when you don’t love that super-hyped book everyone else loves. I don’t know if that makes sense haha. Anyway, this is a pretty relatable post!

    Rachana @ Spun

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      That’s a valid problem too!!!

      I’m always pretty skeptical about starting books in general. I don’t have much issue with overhyped books because I try to go into books with no expectations just incase that happens (because a lot of hyped series haven’t been my cup of tea).

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is such a great – and relatable – post! I think most of us readers have the same kinds of insecurities because reading is so subjective and so no matter what kind of hype a book gets, or how excited we are, it’s always daunting to actually go into it. And that subjectivity is what makes reviews so hard to write sometimes and opinions so hard to form sometimes. I’m a super mood reader though, so if I get an anticipated read, I’d probably either finish it in 3 hours or hold it off for another 3 months, lol. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      So true!! My mood reading is the bane of my existence. I wish I could be that person who read books just by telling themself too 😂.

      Like

  9. Run Wright says:

    This is the perfect description of something I’ve felt too but didn’t know how to express. I just found your blog from Mischenko’s share and I am following you now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lacyliteracy says:

      Wow!! Thank you so much.

      Like

  10. Marie says:

    THIS POST IS SO RELATABLE, I love it. I always feel so scared of getting these books that everyone is talking about, these books I know will be a hit for me, I am terrified of reading it, having to form actual sentences to talk about it all and just… not makin any sense? I want and I feel like books deserve the best reviews out there, especially when they changed our lives or made us feel everything, but sometimes… words just fail me haha. I always put off hyped books for a little while, as much as I can, actually, because it’s so daunting and I feel too pressured hahaha.
    Great post!! 🙂 x

    Like

  11. Hah, what a relatable post! Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    Like

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